I'll tell the violins, it's time to sink or swim.

Funny quotes I've heard recently.

"Boyfriends are like dishes, you don't want your roommates to do them!"
"BYU is like a field of roses, where you can just pick any and all of them up. Here is like a field of grass. In the winter. (in reference to Alaska.)"
"I'm cold, I'm hungry, and I'm thinking about an ex-girlfriend. This is like a really bad dream."
"I don't wake up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy, I wake up feeling tired."
"I blame Nicholas Sparks for my high expectations of guys."
"I hate it when I can't find the cheese grater so I have to use my abs."
"Whoever loads the dishwasher like this is an idiot."
"Finish all your sentences with the words 'in accordance with prophecy.'"
"Their definition of a perfect student is like... Jesus."
"She's a quintuple huss - that is one away from a slut."
"Yeah, my hickeys were so bad it looked like my boyfriend beat me."
"LICK HER FACE!!!"
"Today I saw a hobo who's sign said, 'I'll bet a dollar that you read this sign.' Best. Hobo. Ever."
"Today on my chemistry test my teacher added a little joke, like he usually does for fun. This one said "Old chemists never die, they just reach equilibrium." I wrote back, 'True, but you still have to barium.'"
"I'm so depressed I've worn the same outfit twice this week."
"I just realized Prince Charming is in two movies: Cinderella and Snow White. What a playa."
"Today I realized Avatar is just Pocahontas with blue people. I guess they thought fifteen years later we wouldn't notice. And we didn't."
"Last year my history professor took off a week from school because he hurt his shoulder. How? By pirouetting to answer the telephone. Such good role models."
"Today my boyfriend spontaneously told me he loved me more than Dora loves maps. I am now worried about what he does in his spare time."
"Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy marshmallows, which is really the same thing."

Hope they made you laugh like they make me laugh :)